r/nottheonion • u/lola21 • 2d ago
P. Diddy promises to 'ban women from his home' if he's released from jail
https://www.irishstar.com/culture/entertainment/p-diddy-promises-ban-women-337961327.5k
u/Creative-Claire 2d ago
Well, an all male prison has the same result and I think that’s a better place for him.
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u/UndeadBuggalo 1d ago
Didn’t he also diddle male stars as well?
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u/hotlavatube 1d ago
Yup, I worry for the safety of the other inmates.
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u/worker_ant_6646 1d ago
Exactly. Ol' Puffy is still influential, and should not have access to incarcerated young men.
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u/Dockhead 1d ago
If he has “free” access to general pop male prisoners then they also have access to him. Pedos and certain types of other rapists do very badly in prison, and part of it is that other inmates were victims of childhood sexual abuse or had loved ones who were raped or assaulted. Overall they’d still pose a much greater danger to him than he does to them, influence or none
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u/PitifulDurian6402 1d ago
Eh yes and no. The dude is still insanely wealthy. Gangs can and will drop their moral codes real damn quick if they are being paid well for protection.
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u/MtnMoonMama 1d ago
Yeah but there's no one with a fanny pack full of drugs following him around to dispense them like candy.
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u/Hyzyhine 2d ago
Don’t think it’s women that are the problem, Mr Diddy
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u/improbably_me 2d ago
I thought it was all the rapin'
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u/CptNemosBeard 2d ago
No no no. It's the hypocrisy! That's the worst part.
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u/Large_Concentrate_81 2d ago
Rest in peace, Norm.
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u/Plane_Sport_3465 1d ago
Still bugs me that OJ outlived Norm.
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u/beaverattacks 2d ago
Norm and Mitch and Carlin are co headlining somewhere in the universe
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u/TheLastStop03 1d ago
With Greg Giraldo...let's not forget that brilliant mind.
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u/RicMun81 1d ago
And Patrice!!!!
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u/2_alarm_chili 1d ago
I follow a Patrice page on insta just to get my fill when needed. That man was amazing.
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u/BlackSchuck 1d ago
"How long ypu think they lookin for you--a dayyy... maaaybe twooo days.... come onnnn maaaaaan...."
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u/Ultimate_Decoy 2d ago
He meant to be rappin. Diddy just misplaced his P.
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u/beakrake 2d ago
OH SHIT THATS WHERE THE P IN "P DIDDY" COMES FROM! He took the p and got to raping. 🤯
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u/marcopaulodirect 1d ago
He rapes, but he saves . .. big money on bulk lube purchases
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u/qwertyuiop924 1d ago
You're actually not supposed to use baby oil as lube apparently.
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u/IntentionPowerful 1d ago
I can’t believe when I was a kid, I used to think it was called baby oil because it was extracted from babies lol.
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u/SgtWeirdo 2d ago
And underage boys…. 🤢
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u/SacredAnalBeads 1d ago edited 1d ago
Kinda makes the whole Biggie lyric from "What's Beef?" stand out.
"My n***a gonna fuckin' kidnap kids, fuck 'em in they ass, throw 'em over the bridge"
🧐
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u/nokeyblue 2d ago edited 1d ago
I'm pretty sure he's being accused of sex crimes against men/boys too...
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u/One_Contribution_27 1d ago
Obviously the solution then is to give him a home where he’s isolated from all other people. I’m sure the government can arrange something!
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u/8ad8andit 1d ago
They should put them in a cell with Bill Cosby. Then they can drug and rape each other all they want. Maybe take turns.
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u/WeeklyBanEvasion 1d ago
Rape doesn't seem like a fitting punishment for any crime.
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u/xombae 1d ago
Thank you. I fucking hate how every time a predator ends up in jail there's a mob of people who flood the post, calling for the rape of the abuser in prison.
First of all, if you're saying rape in that situation is acceptable and even desirable, you're saying rape as punishment is ok. That's logic rapists use all the time. "I needed to teach her a lesson". The rule needs to be that rape is never ok. Not in any circumstance. No matter how much you think the victim deserves to be taught a lesson. All this sort of talk does is normalize rape in our society.
Second of all, abused people abuse. This isn't a rule and the vast majority of victims do not go on to continue the cycle. But if you put a person who has victimizes others in a cell for a few years (let's be real, that's as long as a rapist usually gets) and spend that time victimizing him, all you're doing is taking a fucked up person, fucking him up even more, then releasing him back onto the streets. We should be helping these people and getting to the root of why they offended, and giving them the tools and supports in jail to help themselves. So when they are released, they don't feel like they have a score to settle with society.
Is our justice system so ineffective that we need to call on fellow inmates to carry out the real "justice"? Why aren't we do anything to address that? Why is the best case scenario for some people that we throw our criminals into a place where we let broken people hurt each other? Is the idea of rehabilitation in our justice systems that much of a farce?
It's fucked up.
I just think it's disgusting.
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u/Aggromemnon 1d ago
Death penalty syndrome. "Murder is wrong, so we should kill murderers" is the same as "I hope the rapist gets what's coming to him in the prison shower." Despite our better angels, people still cling to ideas like retribution and revenge.
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u/lycanthrope90 1d ago
It is wild that being raped in prison is somehow part of the punishment to many people lol. Like yeah it happens, but it’s not supposed to lol. I don’t feel really bad for some of the people it happens to, but that’s not part of the deal.
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u/jwm3 1d ago
Yeah, if we as a society are actually okay with arbitrary prison abuse, why not just allow regulated corporal punishment?
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u/Push_Bright 2d ago
I had a wolf that said it would ban all vegetables if I allowed it to remain.
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u/opusupo 2d ago
This guy is NEVER going home. LMFAO
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u/Jonathank92 1d ago
yea he's reached the point of throwing darts against the board. That mystery meat tuesday got him in hysterics.
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u/chopcult3003 1d ago
Can’t imagine going from limitless wealth and opulence, traveling the world and eating at the best restaurants, and living in absolute luxury… to a cold cell and mystery meat slop in the blink of an eye, for the rest of your life.
Not that he doesn’t deserve it, but goddamn what a shock to the system.
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u/Jonathank92 1d ago
Combine that with going through drug withdrawals.
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u/Motor_Expression_281 1d ago
Someone with his level of influence can definitely get drugs in prison.
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u/TheyCalledMeThor 1d ago
Yep. My boss used to work in a prison. He said some guys would have drones drop phones over the fence to them.
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u/MVPizzle 1d ago
I still don’t get why he didn’t flee the country when the walls were visibly closing in on him. Insane.
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u/chopcult3003 1d ago
I don’t either. He had to know how bad the case was. He had endless resources. Even if they seized his accounts, he probably has enough in physical cash and jewelry and goods to live off of.
Maybe just thought he was untouchable?
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u/MVPizzle 1d ago
Either complete delusion or he has the worst “don’t worry, I got this” lawyer that has ever graced this earth.
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u/KittyCompletely 1d ago
Once the feds have you on their radar, it's either plee deal or lots of jail time. He probably won't even get to much on the rape or other sexual assaults/holding against will/battery. It's the money and racketeering that makes them big feelings mad .
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u/chopcult3003 1d ago
I have no idea why you would think he wouldn’t get much time for decades of rape and false imprisonment against dozens of victims. The Feds absolutely do not play around with sex trafficking. Even just the drugs and guns he was caught with together is very serious.
Federal cases are all bound by the US Sentencing Commission and a points calculator. You can see that for yourself here.
He will never be a free man again.
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u/PushTheTrigger 1d ago
You can’t run from the feds forever. Also if he got caught while fleeing the country, he would never get bond. Not that he has a chance now, but it would essentially be a guarantee he stays in jail until trial.
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u/MVPizzle 1d ago
He’s so rich couldn’t he just have played “I was going to the Maldives on vacation” language?
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u/Courage-Character 1d ago
Being able to do anything you want at any time… to not being able to leave a cell, shower, or eat when you want. It has to be a total mind fuck for him and I’m here for it
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u/Civil-Caregiver9020 1d ago
His new federally sponsored home may not allow women.
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u/baltimoretom 1d ago
But do they allow freak offs?
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u/LegionofDoh 1d ago
I just love the thought of a guy who spent two decades flaunting how rich he was and how over-indulgent his lifestyle was, with private jets and mansions and vacations in villas sipping expensive drinks and eating expensive foods suddenly finds himself in a cloth jumpsuit eating mystery meat and drinking lead water and it will be like this for the REST. OF. HIS. LIFE.
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u/OkComment3927 1d ago
Just a reminder that Bill Cosby is walking free.
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u/ricktor67 1d ago
On a legal technicality, not because he isn't a rapist.
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u/OkComment3927 1d ago
My point was to not celebrate too early, and that rich people find ways to get away with shit. Diddler is definitely a rapist.
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u/Aniki722 1d ago
Gonna end up Epsteined. They found like 800 dildos in his house, and I'm willing to bet not all those were just for his own pleasure.
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u/hauntedmeal 1d ago
I thought you were just saying a large but random number which got me curious as to the actual number and — holy shit!! 784 dildos were seized from his house!!
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u/denimisbackagain 1d ago
Did you also read about the quantity of baby oil?
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u/hauntedmeal 1d ago
I did! I went into a spiral about the numbers because I’m an insane person lol — What an absolute creeeeeep. He always gave off tiny-man grosso vibes anyway. Good riddance!
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u/CoffeeAddict246 1d ago
If it gets to the point the Feds are on you and move against you? You are screwed. This isn’t local law enforcement bumbling through stuff. The charges brought against him ain’t messing around.
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u/AshuraBaron 2d ago
With the promise that he'll be renting out local wedding halls for his freak offs instead.
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u/Master_Maniac 2d ago
Weird that his solution to problems that he caused with his own actions are solved by restricting others, rather than making any effort at all to change his own behavior.
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u/PomusIsACutie 2d ago
Thats the mindset of someone who thinks they've commited no wrong. Diddy to jail
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u/Balc0ra 2d ago
Diddy do it
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u/kokomodo93 1d ago
If I had a dollar for every time I saw this joke, I could probably also buy 1000 bottles of baby oil.
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u/Brogdon_Brogdon 2d ago
Yes, because it’s the women you raped that were the problem, fucking asshole.
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u/cflatjazz 1d ago
This has the same energy as dudes who have had a few too many conversations with HR and came to the conclusion that the only possible solution is just not speaking to their female colleagues.
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u/RelativeProgrammer34 1d ago
Many years ago I had such individual in my workplace. I only heard rumors so can't figure out exactly all he done but once I was talking to a girl in work and he walked past and said " I'm not talking to you " to a girl that was supposedly sexually harassed by him.
We ignored it but later when I was in mutually used room by myself and he walked in to print something he started talking to me basically making arguments that " I shouldn't be bullied by these people, this seems like it's happening all over again, I advise you stay away from these vultures (women in the office)"
I don't think I said a word the whole time cause I was thinking 🤔 what the fuck did he do back in the day (20+) years ago in this job... Like he made it seem like he was doing much worse back then and it was ok so why is it not ok to verbally sexually harass women.
He kept saying higher management wants to find any reason to fire him because he has worked so many years so his wage kept increasing astronomically compared to what his job was. What it really seemed like was the company valued having a loyal employee they always showcase as someone who loves working for us. They really just felt bad since he was old. He became a master at making misogynistic remarks without saying anything that was outright against discrimination.
He always said weird facts about women and statistics that he read about... Like bro we can always say whatever we want with statistics doesn't mean it's scientific proof women are shallow or whatever he kept saying. Sometimes he even used horrible " 30 percent of women are xyz" And felt proud to be a man... Not realising the other 70 percent of men are xyz... Like he just never processed any information on deeper level.
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u/esituism 1d ago
our societies have a weird hatred for women, bc like pdiddy, the men in charge have actually never done anything wrong. It's always the women's fault. And thus far, society just sort of allowed this hatred to continue.
But we've stopped allowing it like we used to and now the reconning is coming. Many of these men have never learned to take responsibility for themselves, and women aren't putting up with it anymore, so they're absolutely floundering in modern society.
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u/DragapultOnSpeed 1d ago
Religion really shows how much men hate women. (Not all) look at the Bible, it blames women for so many things it's ridiculous.
Mythology too. Men had to make up stories of sirens hypnotizing men to crash their boats into rocks..when really those men were idiots and did that themselves. But they just had to blame fish women.
Then Religion brainwashed women into hating other women too. It's getting better though.
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u/Overall_Midnight_ 1d ago
Ok this is like super loosely related but I saw this yesterday and figured you may enjoy seeing it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/s/wdjHuKWLhd
IMO religion has not helped women be safe and valued. I believe all women (and men!) who care about women, should reject those religions that do, including Christianity, catholicism, Muslim-all of them. You can still believe in god, serve that god, pray and worship that god all that-without having yourself join a club that actively hates women, believes women are less than men, do not try to help women, and is based on texts and history that is valued which contains stories and morals against women.
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u/MacroniTime 1d ago
My last job got bought up by a big corporation, and went from a small (well medium) sized machine shop to a small part in a very large machine. This meant that not only did a bunch of rules change, but we were all expected to take part in sensitivity courses.
The amount of whining and bitching I heard from these 50-70 year old men was insane. Oh no, we can't have titty calendar's with full frontal nudity hanging off our toolboxes, in plain sight of anyone walking the floor! This is bullshit!
And after the sensitivity meetings, half the old fucks there were saying exactly what you mentioned.
"Well if I can't make a joke, I just won't talk to any women at work".
Motherfucker, WHAT WOMEN? We work in a machine shop with 99% male employee rate. You're surrounded by mostly like minded men who you damn well know aren't going to go to HR over a fucking joke.
I came out of those meetings thinking "None of this is at all controversial or honestly should really need to be said". Those old fucks came out practically thinking their civil rights were being violated.
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u/gigglegenius 2d ago
I thought he liked guys mainly anyway
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u/Mrrandom314159 2d ago
I thought it was evenly split.
In either case, he should not be near other human beings.
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u/The97545 2d ago
Or animals
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u/hummingelephant 1d ago
He abused and raped both genders.
He probably thinks he's tricking people by banning women because women are mainly the ones accusing him, this way he can continue to abuse boys and men.
It seems like he abuses boys/men from a more homophobic background (rap/hiphop?) who are also celebrities, so they won't talk to not ruin their public images and lose their fans.
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u/chmrz52 1d ago
I think it’s more of an anything with a hole/ anyone he can control and manipulate no matter the gender
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u/finnjakefionnacake 2d ago
from the allegations he has abused quite a few women over the years
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u/LuckyBunnyonpcp 2d ago
And men, so it’s not really a fair offer. He also abused men, let’s not overlook that part.
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u/finnjakefionnacake 2d ago
I'm not -- that was exactly my point to the person I replied to. Saying "I thought he liked guys mainly" disregards the fact that there are also many women he allegedly abused over the years.
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u/MajorasShoe 1d ago
I don't think he cared about the gender, or the sex. Just the power he had over others.
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u/Am_Deer 2d ago
I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.
I know I’m accused of murder but if you let me go I promise not to murder until we get this mess cleared up.
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u/DerekB52 2d ago
People who are accused of murder actually can get out on bond, sometimes. Diddy ain't going nowhere though. If he wanted to be out of jail while he awaited trial, he should have launched a run for the republican presidential nomination last year.
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u/MajorasShoe 1d ago
Honestly it's the most effective way to avoid the consequences of your actions, I guess.
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u/Bad-job-dad 2d ago
"I'll ban all women from my home", whispers to lawer, "Girls aren't women, right?"
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u/strangelittlething 2d ago
Here’s an idea: why don’t we ban Diddy from his home? And the area surrounding it. Maybe keep him in an enclosed space. That could work.
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u/swagaf 2d ago
Wasn’t the diddler diddling dudes like crazy too?
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u/urbanhag 2d ago
*raping, coercing, drugging
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u/swagaf 2d ago
Judge please for mankind don’t let him out
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u/Ecstatic-Seesaw-1007 2d ago edited 2d ago
Problem solved.
OJ Simpson should have just declared he would ban knives and gloves from his home and Phil Spector and Aaron Hernandez could have banned bullets from their homes.
Edit - I’m a dummy and originally typed Aaron Rodriguez, lol.
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u/galagapilot 2d ago
What did A-Rod do?
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u/Ecstatic-Seesaw-1007 2d ago
Nothing, I’m a dumbass and typed the wrong sports Aaron.
Meant Aaron Hernandez.
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u/Ricco121 2d ago
“I promise to ban women from my home…”
“…and concentrate on my first love, …pre teen boys.”
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u/Skatcatla 2d ago
How pathetic are you if you have to choose between a binary of "rape women" or "ban them from my life altogether."
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u/obsertaries 2d ago
You can see other versions of that at work when conservative men refuse to have business lunches with women coworkers and stuff. The idea that men just can’t control themselves and that should be built into society.
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u/Stupidstuff1001 1d ago
Cracks me up how stupid he is too.
- feds bust your house months ago
- you flee to a non extradition country
- you then come back home.
- feds bust your house again and arrest you.
Dude is a billionaire I believe and was so arrogant that he came back and will most likely die in jail.
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u/muscletrain 1d ago
Where did he flee? Wasn't it in the Caribbean? There are very few countries you can go to that will truly not send you back. Even places like Dubai etc will grab you if they really want you and send you back. There was that scammer who was grabbed there recently who was posting all over IG.
Besides China and Russia most countries even without a treaty can and will still send you back if requested.
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u/limevince 1d ago
LOL thanks for this little tidbit. I had no idea he fled to a non extradition country AND came back. Just wow.
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u/DiscretionFist 2d ago
this man is so cooked 😂😂
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u/lolas_coffee 1d ago
Dunno. I don't trust the US Justice System when dealing with the extremely wealthy.
I don't think anyone trusts it.
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u/csonnich 1d ago
I trust the US attorneys in the SDNY.
They got Epstein locked up, they took down Bernie Madoff, Sam Bankman-Fried, Martha Stewart, and found Trump civilly liable in the E. Jean Carroll case. And they just indicted NYC mayor Eric Adams - the first time ever for a sitting NY mayor.
They're not afraid of names or money.
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u/little-red-turtle 1d ago
Inb4 the judge receives a mail with a snippet of when he was at Plea Diddys house party drugged out doing questionable things with a zucchini
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u/CapAccomplished8072 2d ago
So...he's blaming his abuse of women...on women?
Is he...is he taking any responsibility for his actions?
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u/kclongest 2d ago
That ship has sailed bruh. Thats not how the justice system works
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u/dzone25 2d ago
It's the fucking kids - you ass-wipe. I hope this absolute waste of breath gets thrown in a regular ass jail so they just have their way with him.
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u/TwoBionicknees 1d ago
"bro is jail really necessary, you know I'm rich, can't you just ban women from being around me to stop me raping people?"
Dude legit thinks the only consequences of his actions should be not being allowed to rape more women, not like, having his freedom taken away or having to pay out billions in damages to hundreds of victims.
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u/americansherlock201 2d ago
He’s basically saying he will stop assaulting women if he’s let out. He knows he’ll keep assaulting men but hopes a judge doesn’t care about men being assaulted
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u/Keyboardpaladin 2d ago
Typical rich and famous people, not understanding why people are upset at them
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u/GEN_X-gamer 2d ago
Sorry you’re not rich enough to get away with this. No matter what you promise.
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u/Acrobatic_Switches 2d ago
Man just really said he would self regulate like the fucking enertainment industry.
Diddy better go to prison for a long time.
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u/Dusk_v733 2d ago
I don't understand why anyone would think this would work. Like wtf does this even mean? Why would that fix this?
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u/Dogswithhumannipples 1d ago
My partner has been obsessed with uncovering all of the allegations behind Diddy.
One thing that was interesting to me is that she found at least a half dozen people who've been associated with him that have suddenly died of pneumonia, including one lady who was about to go public with a pregnancy, and then weeks later her husband, both of which partied with Diddy. We were trying to figure out how on earth pneumonia could be such a common occurrence around him, and what would cause it.
Here's my conspiracy theory - oil in the lungs can bring on sudden pneumonia... such as BABY OIL. This is pure speculation - but if i were to make a wild guess I propose that Diddy may have laced some Marijuana joints with baby oil at his parties to get rid of potentially threatening enemies in his life. Again, going on a huge whim but the amount of people that have both been involved directly with Diddy and died suddenly from pneumonia is coincidental to a concerning degree.
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u/IsoscelesQuadrangle 1d ago
I remember that theory from when Kim Porter died. Honestly could very easily just be coincidence. I just had a quick look & Bronchiolitis should be distinct from bacterial pneumonia in autopsy. Poorly cut street drugs, overuse of benzos, using the community bong with infectious pneumonia carriers, even just smoking weed if you're immunosuppressed. Remember Brittany Murphy & her husband?
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u/csward53 2d ago
What he means is he'll carry on his usual activities outside his home. What a PoS...
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u/jwhip1585 1d ago
“I swear I’ll never abuse and sexually assault another woman, or rape another minor AGAIN, your Honor, if you just let me off the hook this ONE TIME!!! Just take away the temptation by banning women from my home(s) and spend tax money to enforce your decision for the rest of my life! Please! I’m not being unreasonable here, your Honor, frfr “
I didn’t read the article but I imagine his statement went something like that.
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u/2thSprkler 2d ago
Judge said… no thank you